Post by salavea on Oct 26, 2007 10:11:20 GMT -5
I always knew all Cowboys were fags
www.sportspickle.com/features/volume6/2007-1024-cowboys.html
Athlete Holds Press Conference To Deny Charges That He’s Straight
Faced with mounting rumors and innuendo that he is heterosexual, Dallas Cowboys linebacker Matt Wilson held a press conference today to put those allegations to rest and assert that he is most definitely homosexual.
“Look, I’m not straight. I never have been straight, okay?” said Wilson. “I’m as gay as can be. I’m super-gay. I just wanted to let it me known so all of the rumors out there can stop.”
The linebacker has recently been spotted out with various women and even impregnated a Dallas woman during the offseason.
“People try to read into things where there isn’t anything,” said Wilson. “My agent is a woman, and I have friends who are women. It’s sad I can’t go out to dinner with them without everyone assuming I’m straight. And, yes, I got a woman pregnant. But I was very, very drunk. And she was the muscular, she-male type. And I did her from behind. It was a complete mistake on my part, because I am totally, 100-percent gay.”
Wilson said the allegations of heterosexuality were trying to impact his personal life and affect his relationships with teammates.
“It’s a shame Matt was forced into doing this – his sexuality shouldn’t matter to anyone – but I’m glad he has cleared everything up,” said quarterback Tony Romo. “I always assumed he was gay, but this confirms it. I will continue asking him for fashion advice.”
Wide receiver Terrell Owens also welcomed his teammate’s announcement.
“I’m not going to lie. We all had heard the rumors, too,” said Owens. “I was starting to fear my Gaydar was off. I had always known that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck. But then I was hearing that Matt wasn’t a duck – that he was a ... what’s a really manly animal? ... a bear. Well, no. Not a bear. He actually is a bear. But, anyway, you know what I mean. And I’m glad to hear it. Hopefully he’ll be receptive to my foot taps in the bathroom.”
www.sportspickle.com/features/volume6/2007-1024-cowboys.html
Athlete Holds Press Conference To Deny Charges That He’s Straight
Faced with mounting rumors and innuendo that he is heterosexual, Dallas Cowboys linebacker Matt Wilson held a press conference today to put those allegations to rest and assert that he is most definitely homosexual.
“Look, I’m not straight. I never have been straight, okay?” said Wilson. “I’m as gay as can be. I’m super-gay. I just wanted to let it me known so all of the rumors out there can stop.”
The linebacker has recently been spotted out with various women and even impregnated a Dallas woman during the offseason.
“People try to read into things where there isn’t anything,” said Wilson. “My agent is a woman, and I have friends who are women. It’s sad I can’t go out to dinner with them without everyone assuming I’m straight. And, yes, I got a woman pregnant. But I was very, very drunk. And she was the muscular, she-male type. And I did her from behind. It was a complete mistake on my part, because I am totally, 100-percent gay.”
Wilson said the allegations of heterosexuality were trying to impact his personal life and affect his relationships with teammates.
“It’s a shame Matt was forced into doing this – his sexuality shouldn’t matter to anyone – but I’m glad he has cleared everything up,” said quarterback Tony Romo. “I always assumed he was gay, but this confirms it. I will continue asking him for fashion advice.”
Wide receiver Terrell Owens also welcomed his teammate’s announcement.
“I’m not going to lie. We all had heard the rumors, too,” said Owens. “I was starting to fear my Gaydar was off. I had always known that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then it’s a duck. But then I was hearing that Matt wasn’t a duck – that he was a ... what’s a really manly animal? ... a bear. Well, no. Not a bear. He actually is a bear. But, anyway, you know what I mean. And I’m glad to hear it. Hopefully he’ll be receptive to my foot taps in the bathroom.”
